How Parenting a Special-Needs Child Impacted Our Business

When I was on the pilot episode of Undercover Boss, a national audience watched me work alongside our employees, many of whom revealed to me that they were going through difficult life circumstances. I am forever grateful to have had that experience where our front-line workers were willing to be transparent with me, because it showed me that one of the most important qualities in being a good business leader is empathy. But I actually didn’t learn how to empathize by being CEO or by appearing on TV; rather, God taught me the value of empathy through my sweet special-needs daughter, Linley.

Quite honestly, before she came along, I didn’t really even think about empathy one bit. But understanding the importance of it and how to incorporate it into all aspects of my life helped me flourish in my relationships with my family, friends, and business colleagues. 

Linley didn’t have special needs when she was born. A medical mistake during a routine procedure to verify her allergy to milk at two months of age, when adult-sized instruments were mistakenly used by the doctor, blew air into her stomach and caused her to vomit and aspirate. The botched procedure injured my baby girl so severely that she was in intensive care for four months. The doctors finally told us that there was nothing more they could do, and Linley might be more comfortable dying peacefully at home. We took her home and began to make funeral arrangements for her impending death.

As you might have gathered, Linley never had that funeral and she is still here with us today, though she lives a life far different from the one I envisioned for her. She has severe physical and mental disabilities from her lack of oxygen and from side effects of the drugs used to revive her, but despite that, she is the light and joy of our lives.

Prior to Linley, I was totally content to rely on my self-driven, Type A tendencies to help me accomplish my goals, since that is what I had done all throughout my education and various jobs. But with that driven personality came a lot of focus on myself and my plans. Life was about what I wanted, how quickly I could get it, depending on myself to do it all, and thinking that my hard work and never-give-up attitude, etc. would take me where I wanted to go. Although I loved my wife and wanted to provide for my family, I was really trying to gratify myself and my ego by climbing the corporate ladder. I was totally self-absorbed and focused on myself, not others.

And as things continued to work out for me, I kept relying on my same old habits and approaches to earn promotion after promotion and make more money. Empathy was definitely not one of the tools I thought I needed in my tool box.

That is until Linley entered our lives. Linley has made a profound positive impact on my life, as well as the life of my wife and my son.

When she was injured and our worlds were flipped upside down, I realized that I didn’t have the tools needed to fix this problem. Of course, it had always been true that I wasn’t able to do everything on my own, but facing that tragedy was the first time I came to face with and couldn’t look away from the fact that I was not in control.

Not of my daughter, my wife, myself, my business or anything.

For the first time, I couldn’t tell myself to suck it up, and “I got this.” I realized that my hands were empty, unable to handle this new life, and I knew that the road to selfishness would not equip me to be the loving father my special Linley needed. So I turned to God and focused on my relationship with His Son, Jesus. I turned control over to Him.

Jesus is called the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords among hundreds of other fantastic names, but He did not consider His equality with God a thing to be grasped; instead, He chose to serve others. He didn’t simply serve, He connected with others and got to know their needs so that He could make a positive impact. How do you do that? Through empathy.

Jesus took a step further than sympathizing. He looked people in the eye, touched them and saw what it would be like to be in their place, and when you empathize with someone that well, you are compelled to help them.

I see a lot of myself in Linley, but she is undoubtedly different from me. To be the best father I can be, I have to try to empathize with her and see the world from her point of view. If I were to hold her hand and lead her along my path my way, she wouldn’t prosper, because her needs are different than mine, and she needs her daddy to meet those needs and understand them to the best of his abilities.

It’s no secret that people don’t like working for a selfish boss, but how do you combat that when you are in a position of authority?

You empathize. Who would you rather work with, a boss that just wants to use you so they can get ahead, or a boss that truly cares about you and your own growth and wellbeing?

You don’t just have occasional meetings with the whole of the staff; you actively check in with and listen to each individual who works alongside you, as well as those throughout the organization. If appearing on Undercover Boss had been the only occasion that I set aside time to listen to our workers, I wouldn’t have a very happy work environment. From my experience in the business world and from parenting Linley, I know that people need more than “How are you today?”

They need a listening ear and attentive heart that says, “I can’t even imagine what that’s like. Tell me more about that.”

I am incredibly blessed to be Linley’s Daddy and to learn from her everyday just how precious life is and how important it is to empathize with others. I still haven’t mastered it, and there are times I fall back to my old selfish ways. But what I can tell you is that God used Linley’s terrible tragedy to teach me that empathy and caring for others is the magic that will bring tremendous joy to your life and relationships.  

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