Let’s Talk About Love
This coming Monday is Valentine’s Day. (Husbands, here is your reminder to make a dinner reservation!) During this time of year, we spend a lot more time thinking about love.
The English language is woefully lacking when it comes to describing love. In our language, I use the same word to describe my feelings for my wife and for Tex Mex, which are obviously very different emotions. Did you know, in ancient Greek, the language the New Testament was originally penned in, there are eight words describing different types of love? A better understanding of the four keywords in Greek for love adds greater depth to our understanding of the Bible and of love.
Eros
When we think about Valentine’s Day, we’re really thinking about Eros love, which describes romantic love and is where we get our term erotic. Candlelit dinners, moonlit strolls on the beach, and bouquets of red roses are all outpourings of Eros. While the term is never explicitly used in the Bible, we see a reference to this version of love in a warning from Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, where he talks about self-control and burning with passion. However, the Bible is clear that Eros love is to be celebrated in a biblical marriage (see Song of Solomon), and that outside a biblical marriage Eros love becomes distorted and a sin.
Storge
Storge describes the kind of love shared between families. This is the love between parents and children or brothers and sisters. While we don’t see Storge used in the Bible, we see its opposite “Astorgos” (meaning heartless, devoid of natural or instinctive affection, or without affection to kindred) in Romans 1:31 and 2 Timothy 3:3. Paul cautions that godless people are “Astorgos,” making clear that God places high value on familial love. Storge is the first love humans experience as they receive love from their parents from the moment they are born. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Philia
You might guess the meaning of Philia love because it’s used in the name of one of America’s largest cities, Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. This word speaks of the warm affection shared between friends. Demonstrating this type of love does not require any substantial sacrifice, and is shown through a cordial attitude and spending time with someone. We can show Phila love to anyone from a mild acquaintance to a close colleague. Philia love can easily fade, for instance if the person moves away or is not often encountered. Thus, this is not the type of love that would be adequate for the kind of love Jesus wants from His followers.
There is an interesting combination of Philos and Storge, being the word Philostorgos, which means to be devoted to one another or to cherish one’s kindred. As Christians, since we are children of the same heavenly Father, we should show loving affection toward each other and be devoted to one another. Philostorgos only appears once in the Bible, in Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Agape
Agape love is the highest form of love. It is the love God has for all mankind. It is sacrificial, unconditional, and incomparable. It appears more than 100 times throughout the New Testament (don’t worry, I won’t list them all!) I will just point you to one of my favorite examples of Agape unconditional and unmerited love in Scripture in Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” As Christians, this is the type of unconditional love we should strive to emulate in our lives, as it is the love we receive from our Heavenly Father. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that Agape is patient, kind, rejoicing with truth, bearing all things, believing all things, hoping in all things, and enduring through all things. At the same time, Agape does not envy, boast, take into account a wrong suffered, or seek its own; it is not arrogant, rude, selfish, irritable, or resentful. Most importantly, since Agape is not based upon circumstances and is unconditional, Agape will never end. It will not fade away like Philia. Try reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and substitute your name in place of everywhere the word “love” is used, and ask yourself, does that really describe how you are loving others? Agape is based upon the will, not emotion, and each characteristic of Agape described in 1 Corinthians 13 is a deliberate choice to act in a certain manner.
How Deep Is Your Love?
For those who have never experienced God’s overwhelming Agape love, Eros love may seem like the pinnacle. This is why Valentine’s Day is so celebrated and why those without a romantic partner might long for one on February 14. But, as beautiful and special and even sacred as Eros love is within marriage, it is a mere reflection of Agape love. How sad it must be to go through life without experiencing this life-changing love!
This Valentine’s Day, take some time to reflect on the greatest love you’ll ever know - the love Christ showed when He went to the cross in your place. Ask Him how you can show this Agape love to others in your life to draw them to salvation. Ask Him to help you demonstrate 1 Corinthians 13 to others.