How I Forgave the Doctor that Disabled my Daughter
I’ll never forget the day we brought my daughter Linley home from the hospital after she was born. She was perfect, and we were over the moon. Just a few months later, our lives turned upside down when a routine medical procedure rendered Linley permanently disabled.
It turned out it was this doctor’s first time doing the procedure on an infant and he mistakenly used adult-sized instruments, which forced air into Linley’s stomach. For months, she barely clung to life while we were helpless to do anything but pray. Eventually, Linley pulled through, but she was left with brain damage, physical impairments and a host of other issues.
Now, I was a Christian at the time this occurred. I knew about forgiveness and grace, but forgiving the doctor who had carelessly harmed my precious infant daughter was unthinkable. I was furious because I felt that this doctor had taken her life and future away from her. Even though she survived by God’s grace, she will never be the same.
I was consumed with figuring out how I could keep the doctor from harming someone else. I obsessed over how to get our story out there publicly so he would be shamed and future patients would be warned away. I even considered trying to get his medical license removed. In my mind, he was obviously incompetent to allow this tragedy to happen to my daughter. My anger toward him and thoughts of getting revenge was all I could focus on.
But the Holy Spirit worked on my heart. And worked on it. And worked on it. It took a very long time, but I finally came to the conclusion that the doctor didn’t show up to work that day saying, “What precious little baby can I totally destroy today?” He showed up trying to help people like my daughter.
Christ forgave me, and I’m a mess. I thought “If Christ can forgive me, I’ve got to forgive this guy.” When I found that forgiveness, it was so freeing. I used to be so consumed with my anger, and now I don’t even think about it anymore. When I look back on how much time I spent contemplating my retribution, it’s shocking. Once I was able to forgive the doctor, I found joy in the understanding that somehow this tragedy was part of God’s plan. I don’t understand it fully, but I trust Him. The peace I gained through the work of the Holy Spirit on my heart to forgive the doctor has been a tremendous blessing to me and led to a huge change in me. God used this terrible tragedy in a very positive way in my life and in the lives of others.
My daughter has impacted more people in a positive way than I ever will. Sure, I get sad sometimes when I see my friends’ kids going to college, getting married, having grandkids, but then I realize I’m being selfish again, thinking about myself and why I don’t get to enjoy those things with my daughter.
I also know that some people hear this story about my daughter, and look at her with all her disabilities and think how sad this is. But, I know that God doesn’t look at my daughter that way. My daughter is just the way He intended, and He loves her just the way she is. While I don’t fully understand it, this is God’s plan, and I just have to trust Him. The time my daughter and I have together on this earth is very short compared to eternity. I know when we go to Heaven, my daughter will be totally healed. There is no telling how much fun we’re going to have in our new bodies!