How to Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence
Last week on my blog, I discussed the importance of emotional intelligence (also known as EQ) in quality leadership. But leaders aren’t the only ones who can benefit from cultivating their EQ. Recent research reveals that individuals with higher EQ are more successful in the workplace. The current job market is more competitive than ever, with new college grads and employees laid off due to COVID-19 all vying for work, emotional intelligence could be the key component that sets you apart from the crowd.
Here are five proven ways to increase your emotional intelligence that everyone can continue to hone throughout their careers:
1. Be Self-Controlled
Easier said than done, but self-control is a main way to demonstrate awareness of not only others but oneself. Self-aware professionals are cognizant of their emotions and seek to process them in healthy ways, rather than ignoring them or letting them run out of control by yelling, being short or rude, slacking on work, or turning to substance abuse. Part of emotional intelligence is recognizing that we all experience a range of emotions every day, and it does not make us weak or poor role models if we acknowledge those.
Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do is clue others in on what’s going. Perhaps that’s saying to your coworkers, “I have a lot on my plate today, so I’m going to close my office door and probably won’t be very visible around the office today. I’ll let you know when I’m available to help with other projects,” or even communicating to your boss in a professional way that you need to take a day off sometime this week.
2. Be Present
Emotionally unintelligent individuals do not care about being sociable or approachable unless it serves to suit their needs. However, those with high EQ recognize that part of building trust with others includes being approachable. This must be balanced with self-control as we seek to be aware of our needs and the needs of those around us.
Becoming more present and engaged means smiling, saying hello, making a point during a conversation to remember names and information, and asking insightful follow-up questions, rather than checking our phones or watches when others are talking to us.
3. Be a Reader
According to Harvard Professional Development, those who read literature featuring complex characters tend to develop higher levels of empathy, which is key to being emotionally intelligent. As someone who held the roles of Chairman of the Board, CEO, President, and COO during my career, I always encourage my fellow leaders to read voraciously because of the many benefits it provides. I have learned so much about leadership and about myself by reading. Having higher emotional intelligence is another excellent reason to make reading a priority!
4. Be Assertive
Being assertive often carries negative connotations, as people confuse it with traits pertaining to dominance or steamrolling. But to be healthily assertive simply means that you are able to state what you think and what you want in a straightforward, diplomatic way that others can readily relate to and empathize with.
Emotionally intelligent individuals who are able to be assertive more clearly communicate their expectations to people around them, which helps those who are working with them or who are under their leadership to have a clear understanding of what they must do to get engaged, succeed and win as a team. This can be a difficult one to develop, as certain types of individuals come to be valued for their people-pleasing skills. But over time, as you seek small ways to assert yourself every day, it will become easier, especially as you notice how beneficial it can be.
5. Be Positive
Especially in the workplace, few things can bring down the mood of the office or dampen your reputation more quickly than constant negativity. Sometimes, when something truly somber is happening, seriousness and even a degree of commiseration can be appropriate. But for the most part, people enjoy working with someone who has a positive attitude and is slow to complain. The type of person that lifts others up.
Being quick to say, “I don’t know how to do that, but I can learn!” “That sounds difficult, but we can make it work,” also goes a long way in lifting up not only yourself but those around you. All interactions with others create either a positive impact on them, or a negative impact--meaning we either leave people feeling better or worse after we interact with them. What type of person do you want to be? No matter where you are presently, you can always begin fresh today to seek to become one that has a greater positive impact on others than yesterday.
Thankfully, emotional intelligence can always be strengthened, and it’s an ability that most of us are growing throughout our lives. Whether you are in school or graduated, employed or looking for work, it is always an excellent time to start cultivating your EQ with these tips.